


You move to me like I'm a Motown beat

by hiraya_manawari



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Alternate Universe - College/University, Friends to Lovers, Huang Ren Jun is Whipped, Huang Renjun is stubborn, Inspired by King of My Heart by Taylor Swift, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Pining, Roommates, mentioned cheating, mentioned drinking, mentioned partying, not between renmin though, slight makeout
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:41:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28260330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hiraya_manawari/pseuds/hiraya_manawari
Summary: Renjun always pulls away, always shuts up, always says a different thing before he finally does. While Jaemin says it truthfully.or the 5 times Renjun almost said i love you, and the 1 time Jaemin said it back to his face.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin
Comments: 12
Kudos: 82





	You move to me like I'm a Motown beat

**Author's Note:**

> a fic based on king of my heart by the queen Taylor Swift. I hope I did it justice though hahahaha

Huang Renjun, 21 years of age, and a junior in college, is currently struggling to fulfill the requirements for one of his majors. As he leans his torso forward to read another reference that can be added to his paper, he hears a knock on his door.

Looking towards the entrance to his room is his friend and roommate, Na Jaemin. The sight of this person causes a slight twinge in his chest, and he ignores it in favor of his friend.

"What is it?" 

Jaemin enters the room to place a variety of snacks on his table, a bit far away from his laptop and sheets of papers. Afterwards, he sits on the older's bed, resting his back on the wall beside it. Renjun had to rotate his swivel chair towards his black-haired roommate. He looks more human with that hair, not otherworldly when he had his colorful hair phase.

"You need to eat, you haven't eaten yet ever since you started. It's been 8 hours."

"Oh." He looks at his window and realizes that it's too dark for it to be afternoon.

"Yeah. Oh. Now, take a break. Your paper will still be there when you come back."

Renjun just turns the swivel chair again to reach for one of the snacks, throwing another pack towards Jaemin. The other catches it with surprise, a questioning gaze on his face.

"Thank you."

Renjun grins, a bright smile on his face as if he did not just starve because he was too immersed in doing his paper. He sits there, opening the bag of toasted bread in his hands and getting a piece to pop into his mouth. He did not realize Jaemin looked at him the entire time, as if he were seeing Renjun in a new light.

  
  
  
  


_We rule the kingdom inside my room_

Renjun met Jaemin when they were in high school, 14 years of age. He couldn't remember how he befriended the other, but well, they're still friends 7 years later.

At 18, and they're still friends, a few weeks from being freed from the shackles of secondary education. They have been waiting for the results of the college entrance exams, and really, they just hope they can still be together in college.

They were currently listening to some of the mainstream songs on the radio, until Renjun jumped and danced and sang along. Jaemin had that surprised look on his face again, until Renjun laughed and gestured to join him. 

Jaemin grins as he stands, singing at the top of his lungs, uncaring of his slightly off-tune way of singing. Renjun is the better singer of the two of them, anyway. Renjun just sings loudly, doing exaggerated gestures and moves and jumping around until someone knocks on his door.

He stops, a little out of breath, which causes Jaemin to slow down too. Their little bubble of fun deflated a bit because of the interruption, but it's alright.

Upon opening the door, they find Renjun's mother leaning her side on one side of the doorframe, an unreadable expression on her face. She was holding a few stacks of envelopes on her hands, holding it out for Renjun to take it.

As Renjun reached for it and Jaemin watched, his mother spoke out. "They're the results for the admissions tests you took. Jaemin probably also just got his, so you can look at it together."

Jaemin closed his mouth that he hadn't realized was gaping, straightening himself to go back to his house to look at his results too as Renjun's mother turned to leave after shooting the two teens with a smile. Renjun turned to look at his best friend, a hopeful gaze on.

"Come back here? So we can look at it together?"

Jaemin smiled, nodding as he reached out to ruffle the shorter's hair. "I'll come back after looking at the mail."

A few minutes after Jaemin left and Renjun was still sitting on his bed, playing with the few envelopes on his lap. It got him thinking about his relationship with his best friend.

Jaemin had always been a little bit too unreachable for him, and he hated that he still had this childish type of crush on his best friend. The clammy hands, butterflies in his stomach, had to swallow a lump on his throat type of crush. Of course he felt comfortable with Jaemin, he did not mind the skinship because Jaemin had always been touchy and clingy compared to him. But Renjun had also always known that there are boundaries and lines he should not and could not cross. And he was fine with that.

Jaemin would sometimes withdraw into himself, and he always waited for the other to come out. To be okay again, because living in a room that is too empty and with parents that are too focused on work caused Jaemin to sometimes keep things to himself. And Renjun is okay with it, because Jaemin always tells him before locking himself up. Does not mean he likes it.

People had always thought that Jaemin was too loud, too hyper, extroverted and as if he loves prancing around with flowers at his feet. They did not know of Jaemin's brooding side, where he just watches as everything occured around him and his gaze unseeing, and he gets stuck in his head for far too long. Renjun does his best to pull him out of his head whenever Jaemin does that. Reassuring in unspoken words, lifting Jaemin up to keep him from drowning in his mind. 

He made it his mission to break the younger's cemented walls, dragging the thoughts from his mind as they talk about everything and nothing every night in his room. It was like a little kingdom in Renjun's room, where they are the rulers and their own advisors, their voices and thoughts the people they rule over. Renjun is just glad Jaemin allowed him to enter, and let him stay. Because that's what friends do. Always be there and stay, but still give breathing room to each other.

Renjun was too immersed in his thoughts that he did not notice Jaemin return, until he felt someone sit beside him, bouncing on the mattress to catch his attention. 

"I'm here! Let's look now?"

Renjun nods, still a bit disoriented from the disruption Jaemin did. They held one envelope each, from two different schools. The both of them opened their first batch of letters, both congratulating them for passing. They looked at the next ones, some saying they were waitlisted, some saying they failed to pass.

The two of them shrugged it off, Renjun because failure is still a lesson to be learned, and might as well start now; Jaemin because he never really tried hard to pass it.

That leaves the letter of the university where they both applied and wanted so badly to get in, because the curriculum was extensive and challenging and made the both of them excited. The two of them exchanged their letters, allowing the other to see their result first before themselves. 

The atmosphere of Renjun's room became tense, the only sound being heard was the ripping of the paper from the envelope, their breaths held back due to nervousness. It took a few beats of silence before they both looked up, finished from reading the letter.

Renjun felt happiness bubble up from the pit of his stomach upon reading that Jaemin passed. Jaemin's eyes were shining with happiness too when he looked up. It was like Jaemin couldn't control his grin, and it was safe to assume that he passed too. What started as small chuckles due to each other's expressions ended up becoming relieved laughter because they can still be together in university.

Jaemin ended up leaning his whole body on Renjun while wrapping an arm on the older's shoulder, with the shorter leaning his head on the taller's other shoulder and a sigh of relief escaping him. Two weeks of almost sleepless nights studying for entrance exams, and crying because of tiredness for Renjun while Jaemin stared unseeingly at the wall of his room ended up with the wonderful reward of their chosen university choosing them too.

Renjun snuggles on Jaemin, completing the hug he started, and he mumbles on Jaemin's shoulder, hoping Jaemin could hear him but knowing that he probably wouldn't. Renjun felt wetness on his shoulder, and he rubbed Jaemin's back comfortingly, knowing that they were tears of relief, because Jaemin wants to enter this university so badly. Renjun's heart fluttered, but he ignored it, choosing to comfort and be there for his friend.

"You did good, Jaemin-ah. We did well. We did well, Jaemin-ah."

And he felt Jaemin nod on his shoulder, snuggling on his neck.

  
  
  
  
  
  


_I'm better off being alone_

Renjun and Jaemin. Jaemin and Renjun. He never really tied Jaemin on his wrist or his pinky or his hand. Renjun never really held Jaemin to the point that he might get suffocated. Because he's just there as a friend. Friend. Friend.

The word was too much like a glaringly painful sword. Friend. Friend. It echoed on the chambers of his brain, so he pointedly ignored the word sometimes. He and Jaemin are roommates and friends, yeah, but he never restricted Jaemin from doing whatever he wants. 

So he watched at the side, watched as Jaemin enlarged his circle of friends, watched as Jaemin started dating and fooling around. It was never really Renjun's business, so he kept his mouth shut. He's happy because Jaemin is meeting new people of his own accord.

But Jaemin enjoyed too much of his freedom that sometimes Renjun had to pick him up and pick him up by the pieces. He watched as Jaemin broke his own heart again and again until Renjun couldn't stand it anymore. If his best friend is like this then Renjun would be better off being alone.

He remembered one time, the one person whom Jaemin was confident enough to introduce to him. He never really liked the guy, but he remained so for Jaemin. He gets starry eyed whenever the taller talks about him, and Renjun never saw Jaemin talk about someone like that, like he was in love. 

"I'm happy for you. I'm glad you finally found someone." But the smile on his face was too strained as he watched Jaemin smile lovingly at his boyfriend. As if the statement was said more to convince himself than Jaemin. He watched as Jaemin looked to him for reassurance that it really was okay. He watched as he heard his own heart break slowly like glass.

Still, he ignored it. So he kept his mouth shut, zipped it up. Locked his heart, built a fortress around it, and threw away the key to the ocean of feelings and hoped that it never resurfaces. Jealousy is such an ugly thing. He misses Jaemin, and it was like a slap to Renjun because even when Jaemin is near he still misses him. 

He still ate with his best friend. Jaemin still slept at their dorm, but Jaemin sometimes did not inform Renjun about his whereabouts anymore. He worried the first few times, but Jaemin just said that he was with his boyfriend and friends. So Renjun just smiled and nodded. It was to the point that he could've been living alone ever since the start. That was also the period when he met Donghyuck and Yangyang.

Donghyuck and Yangyang became his newest friends in college. He met new people because of them, and they encouraged him to date around because life is too short but, well, he just did not feel like it. So he became the designated driver. He would drink a few shots and that was it. 

He never bothered to inform Jaemin because he knew the other was busy with his new friends, and that was fine too. But he wanted to introduce Donghyuck and Yangyang to Jaemin, yet he couldn't find the opportunity to do so. 

It was fine, he repeats to himself. It was fine that he barely sees Jaemin nowadays. It was fine that he has new friends. It was fine, because out of all the new friends Jaemin introduced him to, he liked Jeno and Shotaro. And all three were part of the dance crew in their uni. They were the nicest friends of Jaemin that Renjun met.

But he missed Jaemin. Renjun missed Jaemin so much. He could just hope that Jaemin missed him too.

  
  
  
  
  
  


_Your love is a secret I'm hoping, dreaming, dying to keep_

It had been a few months since he met Jaemin's boyfriend. A few months since he last really saw Jaemin. He never really looked Jaemin in the face anymore whenever they met. They really drifted apart.

The Jaemin of last year was someone he can still look in the eye, can smile at, can still hug. He barely knew this Jaemin anymore, and he never really talked to him about what he felt. It felt better to just dump all of his feelings in a jar and let it stay there, and hope it never overflows. Jaemin was already unreachable when they were 18, he was much unreachable one year later.

They ended up dancing around each other whenever Jaemin came home, if he still considered their apartment to be home. Donghyuck and Yangyang keep him company, before they had to return to their own rooms, and that’s okay with Renjun, because despite everything, he still loves the quiet solitude of their room. Even though at times, it feels like Jaemin left him alone.

It was one of those quiet nights that Renjun has, where Donghyuck and Yangyang do not stay for much longer, that Jaemin goes home, drunk off his mind. Renjun was studying in the dining room, because compared to the rest of their small apartment, the lights were the brightest there and in the kitchen. His laptop open, papers strewn all over the table, yellow paper and various colorful pens scattered around the area.

Renjun felt his eyes strain from looking at the laptop and papers all day, so he gave himself a few minutes of rest for the time being. He leaned back on the chair, gaze upwards and he started not to see the ceiling, but the memories he had with his roommate.

Renjun was, _is_ , in love with Jaemin. But he's not entirely sure if now still counts. He wanted to take care of the other, just like he did all those years before. But Renjun also wanted to hold Jaemin's hand, maybe kiss him under the blanket of stars, or prepare him home-cooked meals like the brunet's mother did for Jaemin. It's now just a secret Renjun will probably keep until the end of time, since confessing is not an option, given that Jaemin is taken and is so infatuated with his boyfriend.

He looked up as he heard the door open, and pretended to be focused on his studying. Sniffles could be heard from the door, which caused Renjun to look up curiously and went towards the door. The sight that greeted him was a completely trashed Jaemin: eyes rimmed red with unshed tears, clumsy and floppy movements, and the usual well-combed hair was mussed up.

He never got to ask what happened, because Jaemin beat him to it. “I found my boyfriend cheating on me. After all that we had been through. God, I feel so horrible.”

Renjun just gently assisted Jaemin to sit on their couch in the living room. Once he was settled and the brunet turned around to get his roommate a glass of water, Jaemin looked up, slumped on the couch. “Aren’t you going to say something?” He raised his hands to make quotation marks with air, “like, I told you so, Jaemin, you should not have hung out with the wrong crowd. Hahaha, because guess what? All of his friends know, but they kept it in the dark from me. God, this is so disgusting. He is worse than a pig. What have I become?”

He still left and fetched him the glass of water, and the water jug to easily fill it in. He sits beside Jaemin, handing the glass of water to him, “and what would happen if I say anything? It will not take away the fact that you’re heartbroken now, aren’t you?”

He heard a scoff from the drunk.

Renjun stood up quietly, leaving Jaemin alone. “Wash up. You smell like alcohol, Jaem. I’ll be in my room, if you need me. Oh, and drink water so that you can lessen your hangover. We'll talk later, when you're not on the verge of throwing up, okay?" 

It was the first time in a while that the both of them talked to each other for more than 5 minutes. He did not notice Jaemin's gaze was on his back the entire time, Renjun too focused to leave the room. Jaemin let him.

  
  
  
  
  
  


_The taste of your lips is my idea of luxury_

It had been half a year since Jaemin broke up with his cheating boyfriend, and he was distraught for the first few weeks. Renjun did his best to be there for his friend, cooked his favorite foods, indulged when Jaemin wanted some cuddles, and gave him his space when Jaemin would go into one of his brooding trances that he did before.

It is also the perfect moment to mend the friendship they have hanging by a thread. They begin to hang out again with each other, dinner dates whenever they can, movie marathons every Friday night. Whatever one of them feels like doing the other will agree. They begin catching up on the times and moments that they missed with each other. Renjun introduced Donghyuck and Yangyang, Jaemin did the same for Jeno and Shotaro. 

The oldest of their group is glad everyone got along well. Donghyuck was smitten with Jeno, while Shotaro and Yangyang bonded over their life before attending uni, coming from a different country. It is not long until Renjun and Jaemin's dinner dates became dinner hangouts, and sometimes their movie marathons became sleepovers. The once silent apartment that Renjun resided in when Jaemin was too busy became a warm, vibrant room because of the presence of additional people.

Still, Renjun does not like parties. Renjun does not like alcohol, but still drinks it just for the experience. Ironic, given that it was Jaemin who hates alcohol but still gets drunk off his ass. Well, he's just here because he was invited by Jeno, Shotaro, and Jaemin, saying that this is actually the dance crew's celebratory party. He pulls his white cardigan closer to himself, an attempt to be comfortable in a place he does not like.

Donghyuck and Yangyang are here too, somewhere around the area, dancing to the beat of the song or playing some drinking games, he doesn't know. The moment they arrived everyone left him alone to mingle with other people they know. "Always the designated driver." He grumbles under his breath as he drinks a cup of lemonade soda, alcohol in minimal amounts, since he could not detect the taste.

He wants to leave the rowdiness of the party area and looks for a balcony for fresh air. Solitude in the midst of chaos that is outside. The brunet is looking at the stars, recognizing the constellations he once studied as a hobby. There was Orion, and the Big Dipper so he looks around the sky for the rest of the stars that make up the Ursa Major.

He is enjoying himself until he hears the door to the balcony slide open. He looks behind him, eyes surprised as he registers the pink hair and the lean stature entering the balcony. "Junnie!!!!" Jaemin slightly shouts, and Renjun has to hold back a smile as he raises a finger for him to keep quiet. It has been a long time since he heard that nickname come out of Jaemin's mouth. "What is it, Jaemin-ah?"

"Juuuun. I really really want to kiss you right now. Can I kiss you? I promise I'm not drunk, just a biiiiiiiiit tipsy. And sleepy." Jaemin prolongs the word and almost presses his thumb and pointer finger together. Renjun blinks in surprise at the request. "Why do you want to kiss me, Jaemin-ah?"

The other pouts, crossing his arms on his chest. "Hyuckie and Yangyangie and even Jeno said that you're a really good kisser! And they said they already kissed you and I've already kissed all of them but not you!" Then the strength of the taller's voice weaken to a murmur, "I just want to know what it feels like to kiss you."

He chuckles at the childish tone his friend has taken in, and well, decides to indulge Jaemin's request. It is a one-time thing anyway. "Okay, you can kiss me." Because Renjun was also curious of the feel of the other's lips on his that he ended up nodding, liquid courage running through his veins. _Nothing is going to change anyway. Jaem won't remember this anyway._

Jaemin leans forward, pressing his lips to Renjun. Renjun sits there stiffly, before allowing himself to enjoy this small bit of affection from Jaemin, pushing the negative feelings he feels away for the meantime and just enjoys the moment. Jaemin's lips are slightly chapped, taste like mango and orange combined, with a hint of the alcohol they have been drinking. He presses a little bit more, tilting his head to the side for a more comfortable angle, and Jaemin follows, hands reaching up to cup his face.

They part for a bit, and Jaemin is looking at him with a half-lidded gaze, leaning closer again to press their lips together again. He feels Jaemin slide his hands down his back until they rest by his waist, rubbing comforting circles that seeps warmth on his skin. Renjun reciprocates it again, parting his mouth to kiss the other deeper, hands holding on the taller's shoulders to ground himself. They make out for a few more moments, as if Jaemin could not get enough of him. As if Renjun would slip away from his grasp.

Jaemin then presses his mouth on his jaw, trailing down his neck, softly kissing, not enough to leave a mark. He feels Jaemin murmur, "you taste and smell like strawberry. Maybe I like strawberries a bit after all." Renjun runs his hand on the taller's black hair, savoring this weird moment they have. He makes sure Jaemin does not see the way he bites his lips, still in shock because well, Jaemin is a good kisser. It actually feels addicting. Until he feels deep, warm, steady breaths puff out on his neck and the hold on him loosening, indicating that Jaemin succumbed to the spell of Hypnos. Maybe kissing Jaemin when he is drunk is not a good idea after all.

So now he has a sleeping roommate he has to take care of. He fights the sinking feeling he started to feel at the pit of his stomach, because Renjun knows. Whatever he wishes to have with Jaemin, it's actually close to null for it to happen. This is a one-time thing, he convinces himself. This, Jaemin's lips, his kisses, the way he held Renjun, is luxury, because the shorter knows, he can never have it again. 

And as he shoulders Jaemin and hails a cab to get home to their apartment, Renjun ignores the knowing looks their friends gave him. He ignores the quiet snores of the taller man sleeping on his shoulder. He ignores the soft whines Jaemin lets out when he gently wakes him up to walk just until the elevator and up to their room. 

He ignores the tremors in his hands as he unlocks the room, Jaemin resting by the wall beside their door. He ignores the pitter-patter of footsteps as he fetches Jaemin's water tumbler and an aspirin. He ignores the rustling of the bed sheets as Jaemin settles in his bed after changing clothes, immediately falling asleep while Renjun is still in his party clothes.

By the time Renjun changes into his pajama clothes, he then places the tumbler and a few pills of aspirin for Jaemin to take when he wakes up the next morning. He sits on the edge of the taller's bed, right beside him, and just drinks up the image of Jaemin's peacefully sleeping face. He reaches up to brush the younger's hair away from his face, with Jaemin unconsciously leaning towards his touch. 

"You're really beautiful, Jaemin-ah, and just so far from my reach." He smiles bitterly and stands up to settle on his bed. He ignores the soft “Renjun” he thinks he just heard from his roommate. And most importantly, Renjun ignores Jaemin for the day, excusing himself from dealing with Jaemin unprepared. And the two of them acted as if nothing happened between them that night.

  
  
  
  
  


_Say you fancy me, not fancy stuff_

"You have to eat, Jaemin." Renjun scolds as he gently stirs the bowl of rice porridge on his lap for his roommate. The medicine is placed glaringly on the nightstand, as if challenging Jaemin to a fight. The pink haired boy is very childish when he gets sick. "This is what you get for walking under the rain after your dance practice, and not even taking a bath to wash it off."

"No! Nana does not want to eat. Nana wants cuddles and Junnie. And I was tiiireeeed, I wanted to sleep immediately."

Renjun sighs for the umpteenth time, fluffing up the blanket that was draped over the taller's lap. "I will give you cuddles AFTER you eat and drink your medicine, Nana."

At the statement Jaemin brightens up, making grabby motions for the bowl of porridge on the nightstand. The younger sits up as Renjun stands, exiting the room for a glass of water to prevent Jaemin from being dehydrated. This is what he gets for walking under the rain after dance practice instead of waiting for it to subside.

Jaemin always does things like he has all the time in the world, so he is often slow when daily life movements are concerned, unless he has to be on time. This is one of those moments that he is painfully slow, eating the rice porridge Renjun made for him. Good thing that it's the weekend and not an academically strenuous week, Jaemin can rest up for the whole two days.

While Jaemin eats, Renjun takes the time to fold some of their clean laundry. He savors the comfortable silence that settles between them. Too focused on his chore, he does not notice Jaemin finished eating. It takes a few calls of Jaemin whining until Renjun snaps out of his daze.

"Junnie, I want some cuddles now."

He gestures for Jaemin to wait, stands to gather the bowl and glass of water, and goes to the sink to wash up and refill the glass. When he returns, he sees the taller shifting around the bed, looking for a comfortable position to sleep. Once he finds it he smiles happily and pats on the bed where Renjun should be.

The shorter places his phone on the nightstand, not muting it in case one of their friends contacts him. Instead, he opens one of his novels, continuing right where he left off. He hums questioningly when he feels Jaemin's stare on him, not averting his gaze from the book. 

"I can't sleep. Everything is too uncomfy, and my nose is too stuffy, it's so hard to breathe."

Renjun sighs again, placing his novel on the nightstand, and they both shift around until Renjun has his back resting against the wall, with Jaemin's head laying on a pillow, on his lap so that the younger's head is a little elevated, allowing him to breathe easier. He starts playing with the pink hair strands on Jaemin's head to lull him to sleep. He unconsciously begins humming as well, one of their favorite songs.

When he reaches the chorus, he softly begins singing, still playing Jaemin's hair. He watches as Jaemin's breathing begins to grow steady, a little more deeper, and when the lyrics ended up with the words he wanted to say so much, he stopped. He swallows the lump on his throat, _this is the closest thing to a confession I can say._

“You’re my last love.”

He chuckles at the cheesiness of the song, so he whispers, knowing that Jaemin will never hear him anyway. “You know Jaemin-ah, I will never gather the courage to face you directly, despite you saying that I can meet anyone head-on. I can’t do that to you. So maybe, I should just say this to you, before I lose all nerve.” 

He takes a deep breath, not moving his gaze on his sleeping sick friend but still runs his hand on the hair of his sleeping friend, just a precautionary measure for him not to wake up. “I’m in love with you, Jaemin-ah. For quite a while now. And I know you won’t hear me anyway and that’s okay. I’ll just let the wind be my witness and let it listen. I don’t expect you to return my feelings anyway, no matter how I want you to. You deserve leagues better than what I can give you. 

And no matter how I want, I’ll know other people can give more to you, they can give you all the fancy stuff that I can’t. It’s no use for me to wish that you return my love. And I don’t mind that you don’t hear this, you know. What I’m saying is, maybe I can let you go now. You were never mine to begin with.”

Renjun never sees, but Jaemin’s hand twitches.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_You are the one I have been waiting for, I'll never let you go_

Renjun and Jaemin are in their last year of college, after almost drifting apart at 19, and mending their friendship at 20. Renjun still thinks that Jaemin is unreachable, so he never bothered to confess, and after that slip up when the taller was sick, he had preferred to whisper his confession to the wind. He is not entirely sure why he does it, but maybe he hopes that the wind can carry his feelings for him. 

It is February, the month of lovers, and they are currently in their weekly outing for food hunting. Since it’s Valentines week, there is a university event which works like a festival in the campus grounds. Different stalls selling food, knick knacks, clothing, whatever Renjun can think of, it might be there. The campus grounds looked as if Renjun was wearing rose-colored glasses, everything seemed to be drowning in pinks and reds and whites.

He snuggles on his yellow scarf that Jaemin gifted him last Christmas, repressing a shiver from the cold winter wind sweeping through the area. He pulls his favorite brown coat closer to him, his newly dyed brown hair ruffling to the wind. Jaemin looks beside him, his jet black hair framing his face prettily, and laughs at Renjun. 

“You look horrible, Renjun.”

Renjun scowls at the statement, “and whose fault is that, hm? You were the one who forced me to go here, you know.”

The taller raises his hand together in defeat, speaking again, “We’re already seniors, Jun. You and I both know that we would be too busy in the next few months because of our theses and whatnot. I just want to spend some time with you.”

Renjun’s eyes soften at the statement, and in the end he relents to Jaemin’s whims. They walk around, a few inches of space between each other, as if they’re scared to cross that line, even though it was already blurry the moment Jaemin kissed Renjun. Not that he remembers that. 

The shorter was too immersed in his thoughts that he almost jumps in surprise when he feels another hand envelop his own. He looks at Jaemin, a question on the tip of his tongue, before Jaemin beats him to it, “It’s too crowded, don’t you think?” A small smile on his face, and maybe Renjun is imagining it, but he sees the pink flush on Jaemin’s cheeks deepen with color. So he simply looks away and nods, tightening his hold on Jaemin’s hand.

The two best friends walk around, looking at the different food stalls, and immediately settle on a noodle stall. Jaemin had ordered ramyeon, while he chose japchae. After purchasing their food, they look for a relatively quiet place to eat, and see an empty area with tables and chairs. Quite unusual considering the number of people currently crowding the grounds but they’ll take what they can get from the situation.

They ate quietly until Jaemin started talking, blowing on his ramyeon to cool it down for a bit. “Hey, Jun. Have you ever thought of dating around? It’s our last year already, and I still haven’t seen you going out on dates.”

Renjun suddenly feels nervous at the conversation starter, and it’s not even the first time that they had this conversation. But why now? “No, I already told you, Jaem. I don’t feel like dating around.”

Jaemin hums, suddenly avoiding Renjun’s gaze as he stirs the ramyeon around. Renjun scolds him to not play with his food, but it is as if Jaemin could not hear him. “What about me, then? Have you ever thought of dating me?”

“Wha-- what are you talking about?” Nervous laughter, butterflies fluttering in his stomach, and now it’s Renjun who could not meet Jaemin’s intense gaze. His determined gaze.

"Do you want to know what I would do if you were mine?" Jaemin says, looking down at the instant ramyeon they started eating and picks at the noodles, preparing himself for the dam he called his brain-to-mouth filter to finally break, then rises his gaze to meet Renjun’s widened eyes, his plump lips parted and god he wants to kiss Renjun again.

"I would give my heart to you, and I would ask you to take care of it for me. I would cook you the food you love whenever you feel homesick for China. I would lower down the volume of my phone playing the music just to hear you sing more when you think I'm not listening. I would give you space whenever you need it because I know that we're still our own persons, but I would always go home to you. 

I would hold your hand whenever you need me to, whether it be because you feel nervous or scared, because we might separate from each other when we go to crowded spaces, or because you just want to feel the warmth of my skin against yours, although that last reason might be more of mine.

I would watch as you bathe in the light of the setting sun, and maybe take a picture of it so it would last forever. Because nothing is the same when I'm with you, Jun. Everything always feels comforting when it's you.

And if you were mine, I would pepper your face with kisses until you get sick of it. I would whisper my good mornings and good nights to you. I would fight and argue with you, but I would always stay. I would always say I love you. Because I do."

By the time Jaemin ends his speech, he looks up at Renjun who has his mouth gaping open from shock, chewed noodles still unswallowed. Jaemin chuckles at his friend's appearance, reaching out to push his jaw up so his mouth could close.

"You might want to swallow that first before speaking, Jun." So Renjun did, before opening his mouth to speak but he could only hear the noise of the people around them, too noisy, too white. So he pushes the first thought in his mind and lets it tumble from his mouth.

"I--- why me? After... after all this time?"

"Because you're still you despite the years. Yes, you've changed, and so did I, but the bits and pieces of my Renjun from 7 years ago are still there, and I love the new and improved parts of you too. You're so amazing Renjun, and I hope you can see that. I wish you could see you the way I see you. And I remember our first kiss, and I heard your confession. I wanted you to know how I feel now, because you deserve to know that, and more."

Renjun stammers after hearing Jaemin's words. All of the events that happened in their past, all of the shards of his heart that Renjun had hurt himself with were mended by Jaemin's words. 

Jaemin, whom he met at 14 years of age, his memory a bit fuzzy, but involves their high school desk and pen. Jaemin, whom Renjun thought was unreachable and far far away from his grasp even when they were sitting beside each other. Jaemin, whom he thought would be gone from his life forever after their year-long of treating each other the cold shoulder. Jaemin, who never heard his confession because he fell asleep after drinking his medicine when he was sick. Jaemin, whom he was finally ready to let go, and be happy for whoever Jaemin chooses to stand by his side.

But also Jaemin, who sought him after breaking up with his boyfriend and getting drunk off his ass. Jaemin, who tried hard to mend their relationship that was hanging by the thread which caused him to try hard, too. Jaemin, who would snuggle on his shoulder whenever they do their weekly series marathon. Jaemin, who held him close as he kissed him, firmly but gently. Jaemin, who just said that he loves Renjun. Jaemin, who out of all people, chooses Renjun to stand by his side.

Jaemin lets his words simmer between the two of them while Renjun still stares shockingly at his japchae. The air around them was both comfortable and awkward, the world waiting with bated breath on what would happen next. And so they just eat silently, Renjun still processing Jaemin's words as he slowly chews the last portion of japchae still in his plate.

They stand and walk around for a bit, settling on a bench a little bit hidden to the world but they can still see everything. Jaemin gives Renjun the space that he desperately needs without him saying anything. 

He looks at the younger, at the way his black hair frames his face, his lashes touching the apple of cheeks. He thinks of Jaemin’s wide smiles that soften around the edges when it is directed at Renjun. He thinks of Jaemin’s confession, because it is what he wants to hear from him for the longest time, thinking that Jaemin doesn’t reciprocate his feelings. He thinks of all the times he pulls away before anything happens to the two of them when they were alone. Renjun looks up at Jaemin then, because...

“God, I’m so in love with you, Jaemin-ah.” A whisper, one that Jaemin hears and turns to him.

What greeted Renjun is one of Jaemin’s special smiles. Now that he thinks about it, now that he sees it, Jaemin had always, always looked at him like that. Like he lights up the world.

Jaemin wraps his arms around Renjun, resting his face on the hat Renjun wears, while the shorter snuggles on Jaemin’s neck, pressing his cold nose on the taller’s neck. Jaemin has always been his favorite person to hug, the cozy warmth he emits that feels like home, and he promises to himself that he’ll never let Jaemin go, after all the waiting he had done.

He hears the black-haired murmur, “I really want to kiss you right now. Better than that drunken one we had last year.”

Renjun feels his face heat up, maybe more pink than the pinks of the decorations, but replies, “what are you waiting for, then?”

He feels Jaemin cup his face, and he greets the loving gaze with a fond smile, knowing that the love he feels for Jaemin can be felt by the other. And as they lean towards each other, Renjun whispers, “you’re the king of my heart. You’ve always ruled there.” Jaemin’s smile widened.

It is one of the best kisses Renjun had from Jaemin, just before their wedding kiss, and all the kisses after. 

_King of my heart, body and soul oh woah_

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed the ride! the song Renjun was singing when Jaemin was sick was an imagined slow version of my first and last. this fic has been a long-time idea of mine, and to be honest, it just wrote itself despite my outline and planning.
> 
> come scream in my [cc](https://curiouscat.qa/MayReenRin)!!!
> 
> Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to everyone!


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